There is that saying that love can either make you or break you. When everything is going right with your significant other every moment is blissful but when things start to going wrong there is a downward spiral into chaos and constant friction. If love is truly love it could never turn into hate could it? The very word love is a symbolism of purity, innocence and truth so how can something so beautiful become so mundane in an instant. Was it really love? On a beautiful night I spoke with the amazingly talented ZenPenn, one of the most amazing souls I know and we both discussed the topic of true love.
There are three words that have the power to elevate our reality as they caress our being like a cool winter breeze, “I love you.” The words evoke a feeling of nervousness, joy and a release of butterflies that float around in our stomach. It warms us like a winter fire or a warm blanket that lets us snuggle into its softness. However, the words are over enunciated and the label of the words “I love you” does not reflect it’s meaning. When our feelings of love are also connected with a feeling of possession, addiction and necessity it does not come for true love, it stems from ego. The ego feeds of external events and scenarios in order to feel fulfilled and it is never still or satisfied.
When we go through a painful break up we know that “This too shall pass.” At that point in time it feels like our world has been torn apart and our future has crumbled. As time passes the pain eases and the memories fade and we move on colliding with other kindred souls in an array of divine coincidences. What you once deemed impossible has become possible. This demonstrates that perhaps it wasn’t the person you were missing but instead it was the feeling of being in love. Once the object or person to which all our fixation was magnified becomes absent from our lives our ego begins to starve. It’s like an addiction and it just needs one more hit.
There is a beautiful saying “If you see a beautiful flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation. – Osho.” Eckhart Tolle expresses that our English way of expressing “I love you” is very confusing as it is very misguided. The Spanish have a certain authenticity to how love is expressed. The word “Te quiero” means “I want you” which is often the common meaning behind the word. However, “Te amo” genuinely means “I love you” and it is rarely used as it is associated with true love. True love being unconditional and infinite no matter what the situation or the time.
There are certain things one could consider to maintain a meaningful relationship:
- Always stay true to yourself. When we first meet an amazing person for the first time we will go above and beyond to impress them and we almost become a completely different person. It is like we are playing another character in order to keep another person happy but that façade sooner or later wears away as it becomes hard to be someone you are not.
- Be independent. It is amazing to do fun filled things together and gain new experiences and adventures as a couple. However, appreciate your “me” time. Live your own life and don’t be willing to drop all your pre planned plans within an instant to spend time with your significant other. There should not be a dependency on one another to feel fulfilled and happy as that can only be found within. Love is about appreciating each others presence and it is humble.
- Communicate. There are going to be times where you and your significant other will not agree with things since you are two different people. However, always acknowledge that the relationship and the love is always more important than the argument. Take time to listen to each other and appreciate each others opinions because often another persons insight helps us to expand our thinking and be open to new perspectives. Communication is a sign of respect for one another despite each others differences and it unites us rather than separating us.
- The small things count. Gestures don’t always have to be extravagant and it is often the small sentimental things which are the most profound. Leaving post stick notes around the house for each other, taking a late night stroll under the stars, kissing her on the forehead and telling her how beautiful she is, bringing her favourite coffee or even giving her the last slice of pizza even though you know you really want it. Pay attention to what she says because when a person trusts you they will reveal all the small things that matter to them the most.
- Elevate one another. Compliment one another with positivity and support each others dreams and failures. A strong relationship is where each individual elevate each other and help each other to see their full potential. When you really love someone they will give up on themselves way before you ever do because you have faith in them.
- Always be loyal and honest. These are the foundations for any relationship. You should never be scared to tell your significant other of what is transpiring in your life. They are often the first person you turn to when you recall something funny, sad or happy. Always do what is right by them.
I wish you all the best on this magical journey. Let love be your guide.